I think I am morally bankrupt
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
