I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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