i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
the liver wants what the liver wants
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
