I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
