Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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