Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
