I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
