from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
