After last night, I could never be a politician.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
