He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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