You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
