Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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