Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I pour the whiskey from now on
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
