So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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