well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
