a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
