Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
