Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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