do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
