ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize