I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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