I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize