Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
