I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
