Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize