I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
