They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
