If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
