Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
