He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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