I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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