Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
