Me too!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
