ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
