He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
