Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
