checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
