so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
