I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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