Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
