Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize