I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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