If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Duck Duck Cougar?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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