fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
