just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
