worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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