i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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