theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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