i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
