Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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