I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
