Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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