I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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