dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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