I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
