my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
