It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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