handjob tips. give me some.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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