no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
