Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize