There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the liver wants what the liver wants
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize