i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
